im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
