the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Help. Why am I so naked?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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