even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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