I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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