Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
