I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me