my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
