Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have poison ivy on my dick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Maybe he injected his testicle?