Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.