dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?