Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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(609): I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking. (215): Being persistent has its perks my friend. http://tfl.nu/wzcm

Replies (11) Good night (3791) Bad night (606)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

(404): View more from Georgia

you should get a family discount.

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(770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35

Replies (33) Good night (11063) Bad night (1571)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast

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(306): coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast http://tfl.nu/g654

Replies (19) Good night (5160) Bad night (1105)
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(360): View more from Washington

I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.

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(360): I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience. http://tfl.nu/k7n6

Replies (12) Good night (4656) Bad night (1025)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.

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(701): Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy. http://tfl.nu/k5h7

Replies (6) Good night (1344) Bad night (964)
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(515): View more from Iowa

we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar

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(515): we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar http://tfl.nu/51mn

Replies (10) Good night (2376) Bad night (1138)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him

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(757): Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him http://tfl.nu/gn0k

Replies (13) Good night (1258) Bad night (2473)
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(419): View more from Ohio

How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?

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(419): How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter? http://tfl.nu/8q8x

Replies (4) Good night (693) Bad night (1015)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.

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(970): I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dlw8

Replies (5) Good night (2535) Bad night (604)
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(347): View more from New York

I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.

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(347): I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know. http://tfl.nu/c9pc

Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (464)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm about to be a big disappointment.

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(405): Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake. (405): I'm about to be a big disappointment. http://tfl.nu/y7r2

Replies (2) Good night (796) Bad night (438)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married

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(608): I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married http://tfl.nu/jbyv

Replies (4) Good night (758) Bad night (382)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.

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(919): Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home. http://tfl.nu/lft8

Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (342)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want

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(412): When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want http://tfl.nu/hvhq

Replies (1) Good night (761) Bad night (253)
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(734): View more from Michigan

She's 90% sass and 10% boobs

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(734): She's 90% sass and 10% boobs http://tfl.nu/vt61

Replies (4) Good night (434) Bad night (155)

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