If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
