I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.