From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
