I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
