she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
