Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
bring money and cleavage
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
