Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't think brook has ever known best
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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