I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need moral support for this bender
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
