just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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