put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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