Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
