you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
