Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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