Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
