wrigley field is MILF paradise
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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