She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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