She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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