If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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