Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
not ubering you a puppy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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