There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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