I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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