If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude i'm inner monologue high
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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