I am in a vortex of obligation.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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