Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
