So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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