two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
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So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.