I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.