Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.