She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book