Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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