Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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