I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
