I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
false alarm. still invincible.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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