My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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