He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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