Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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