is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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