Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
