Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
