we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
