I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
