i just wanna soil my oats bro
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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