PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
