Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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