Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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