I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
