I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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