good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize