I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
