Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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