never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
