My sheets look like a crime scene.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
