Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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