Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?