Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (922) Bad night (2830) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was

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  (310): The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was http://tfl.nu/84hp
  Replies (3) Good night (2263) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

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  (714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc
  Replies (30) Good night (6921) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

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  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17800) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

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  (443): Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed... http://tfl.nu/d0g6
  Replies (9) Good night (2295) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..

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  (503): I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions.. http://tfl.nu/v6no
  Replies (2) Good night (1781) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So squirting runs in the family.

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  (603): So squirting runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/x29o
  Replies (15) Good night (3789) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe

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  (832): When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe http://tfl.nu/uvdo
  Replies (16) Good night (524) Bad night (2975) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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  (315): Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking. http://tfl.nu/luay
  Replies (7) Good night (1516) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  No...this little piggys going to the bar

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  (818): No...this little piggys going to the bar http://tfl.nu/e3y1
  Replies (5) Good night (1489) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.

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  (740): omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause. http://tfl.nu/xm5u
  Replies (4) Good night (1280) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?

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  (248): How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break? http://tfl.nu/c6en
  Replies (1) Good night (610) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass

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  (301): I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass http://tfl.nu/ww71
  Replies (3) Good night (657) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.

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  (215): i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none. http://tfl.nu/avo6
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway

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  (317): My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway http://tfl.nu/1ukz
  Replies (11) Good night (467) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt

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