we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?