Someone shit on the floor
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
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She's not a foreskin expert like you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito