he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.