life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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