I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
