highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
