Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
